As a Dom, I found this a fascinating read. You seem to have hit the nail on the head with every single point you raise.
I used to struggle with being a 'nice' person and also being sexually dominant. I was caring, polite and respectful, a loving husband and father, a good friend, a hardworking and trustworthy employee, a pillar of the community and in my free time I enjoyed beating and humiliating women. It didn't sit comfortably.
Now I understand that it's all dependent on context. If beating and humiliating someone harms them and causes them distress, then it's very wrong. If it's done from a place of care, they want it and have consented, then it isn't wrong at all, quite the opposite.
Discretion is a big issue for me. I'm a family man whose movements are known by those around him. Indulging in kink involves the sort of operation you'd find in a spy novel. I have got used to having two sides to my life, but for me there is no overlap. I keep them completely separate and probably always will.
Getting started as a dominant is incredibly hard. If a submissive has little or no experience it gives them an innocence that will be prized by most Doms. But it feels like you can't get the experience of being dominant unless you are already capable and competent. And then you can't build that capability because you can't get the experience. I found going to submissive escorts was an excellent way of breaking this catch 22. I could be completely honest about my lack of experience and they were always incredibly understanding, supportive and generally delighted to be helping a newbie.
"The most powerful D/s relationships aren't about rescuing or fixing; they're about two whole people agreeing to a dynamic that enhances both."
As a Dom, I found this a fascinating read. You seem to have hit the nail on the head with every single point you raise.
I used to struggle with being a 'nice' person and also being sexually dominant. I was caring, polite and respectful, a loving husband and father, a good friend, a hardworking and trustworthy employee, a pillar of the community and in my free time I enjoyed beating and humiliating women. It didn't sit comfortably.
Now I understand that it's all dependent on context. If beating and humiliating someone harms them and causes them distress, then it's very wrong. If it's done from a place of care, they want it and have consented, then it isn't wrong at all, quite the opposite.
Discretion is a big issue for me. I'm a family man whose movements are known by those around him. Indulging in kink involves the sort of operation you'd find in a spy novel. I have got used to having two sides to my life, but for me there is no overlap. I keep them completely separate and probably always will.
Getting started as a dominant is incredibly hard. If a submissive has little or no experience it gives them an innocence that will be prized by most Doms. But it feels like you can't get the experience of being dominant unless you are already capable and competent. And then you can't build that capability because you can't get the experience. I found going to submissive escorts was an excellent way of breaking this catch 22. I could be completely honest about my lack of experience and they were always incredibly understanding, supportive and generally delighted to be helping a newbie.
"The most powerful D/s relationships aren't about rescuing or fixing; they're about two whole people agreeing to a dynamic that enhances both."
Precisely.